Pick it apart piece by piece

Mid June 2008

This is very hard, I'm choked about reliving this but if I put this down it will be somewhat in the past.

We have 6 Alpacas, 3 large great pryneese and some barn cats and 3 chickens that we need to find home for. Actually the couple that Pappa works for that we were buying the 2 female alpaca from were kind enough to buy them back. The other 4 boys I found a home for . Then 2 of the female great pyr's Fancy and Shilo were going to a farm in Louisana to guard goats. And The last boy great pyr was going to a farm actully close by to guard goats and poultry-come to find out when they came to get Bandit they live close by the couple and know them. I think they all are going to good homes. Not as good as mine though. My place was supoused to be a haven for them. Since spring came I kinda knew this was coming so I would sit on my porch every night just listening to the dogs barking, the alapcas huming, crickets -crickitin~whatever noise they make, the barn cats purring around my legs and barn queen hissin at the tom cat. I wanted to burn these sounds and Images in mind I don't want them to go away! My filly is buried out back about 10 acres by the tree line, my daughters horse is buried by the barn. My old austrailn Shepherd Jack and little cocker Tedo are buried in my flower bed. I don't want any of them to go!

Here is a entry from my written journal (that I didn't write in too much)
Can anything kill this pain in my heart? God comforts me but the physical pain is still here. Yesterday Fancy and Shilo went, Fancy whined and did not want to get in the truck she put all paws forward hoping that she could plant them in the ground and not move she skidded, then Pappa picked her up and carried her to the truck-he was getting choked up.
Friday evening the night before they left I brushed them, and hugged them and bawled, and brushed them saying my goodbyes, it was raining outside, thundering. Everytime we have an animal pass away it rains and it rains when we bury them two times it was winter time and it snowed hard.
As soon as the truck pulled out of the drive I bawled. My farm is being picked apart piece by piece.
This morning its chilly but there is a beautiful pink sunrise. Barn queen is sitting perched on one of the posts next to the big red barn. Everytime I go to the back door Laliah and Bandit are waiting. My chest hurts! I want to scream!!

I know God has a new path for us and I am hopful of the diffrent path. Just this part of it I would rather run down and get out of these dark woods!

"Sometimes you have to loose everything to realize you do have it all"